Monday, 30 May 2016

321 leap

I feel nervous.   I am shuffling up the tree saying to my sister, Lidia ”I will be fine, right?“
“Of course you will it’s pretty easy,” Lidia says.
“Really,”I reply
“Yes,”she says.
My eyes are riveted to the pool. I hope I won't fail and fall on the concrete.  I continue to shuffle up the tree until I was almost at the top, I am speechless. Is this stable? Am I going to fall?  Lily said “If you fall you will land in the water.” OK, fine. 321.  One step off the tree. AWAY I leaped off the tree, with fear. Then suddenly I landed in the water. I was thinking  about doing it again but I was scared to do it.My  heart was thumping.

There I was again running up the tree with my hands out, trying to balance.  Ahh! I nearly fell, my hands gripped the tree, thinking only a little bit higher then I am at the top. Just focus a bit more then you will get it. Then I was in the middle of the air my teeth were chattering.  I landed boom!. I swam to the end, trying hard to breathe and I hopped out. The shining sun was so hot I felt like I was burning to death. I went back to my table for a nice cold lemonade with extra ,extra ice. 


My reflection

I was learning to add more punctuation, do show not tell,  make it make sense and also write in the present tense because my writing is in the past tense. I think I did well because I worked on all of my comments and now it is finished and I have only got a little bit left. I was going back and checking my punctuation but I missed a few I and so I went back checking that all my punctuation was right, making sure it made sense and some of my words were spelt right. For example I forgot to put speech marks  so I fixed that up and I didn't put a capital letter for a name so I fixed that too. My next step is to think about the punctuation as I go because then I don't have to go back and check where to put the punctuation when I am finished.  

1 comment:

  1. Sophia I loved reading your 321 leap. It was so descriptive that I felt it was me climbing out on the tree limb. Not only are you brave, you are great at writing and conveying it.